


Standing on the edge

by Ailendolin



Series: Hearts and Souls [4]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canon Era, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-06-24 02:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19714723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailendolin/pseuds/Ailendolin
Summary: “Crutchie got a heartmark,” Jack blurted out before he could stop itself. His eyes met Katherine’s. “He’s got a heartmark with my name, Kath.”Katherine blinked once, twice, and then her eyes softened and she smiled. She placed her hand against his cheek and Jack leaned into her touch. “And you got scared and ran away.”Part 3 of the soulmate AU in which Race is Albert's soulmate but Albert isn't Race's. Jack found out about Crutchie's heartmark and has a decision to make: does he run or does he stay and weather the storm?





	1. Race

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies. Disney does. I'm just borrowing their characters and don't make any money with this.

**Chapter 1: Race**

Getting Albert back home took longer than Race would have liked. It seemed that with every step they took Albert faltered a little more, exhaustion finally catching up with him. His sprained ankle didn’t help, of course, and neither did the route Race chose. The fastest way to the Lodging House went past Albert’s old home but Race would rather die than do that to Albert, so he led them down a different street which took them further away from the Lodging House instead of closer at first. It was the _scenic route_ as Albert used to call it – because it was so different from the neighborhood Albert grew up in. The people didn’t necessarily have more money than those on Albert’s old street but they still gave a damn about their lives. They cared and they had hope. You could see it in the well-kept lawns and houses, in the way flower beds spread a bit of multi-colored joy for everyone to see, even in autumn.

A long time ago, back when Albert had taken Race to his mother’s gave for the very first time, Race had asked him why he took the long way back. He hadn’t known the full extent of Mr. DaSilva’s cruelty then and wondered why Albert took such painstaking care of avoiding his home. Albert, with a small smile and a wistfulness in his eyes Race hadn’t quite understood at the time, had told him he found it reassuring that people, even if they didn’t have a lot, still had a chance of leading a good life – a hard one, maybe, but good nonetheless.

“I don’t need much,” Albert had told him that day. “No big fancy house with more rooms than you can live in or anything like that. Just a small apartment, maybe with a little patch of garden. That would be nice. A place just for me to take care of.”

Race remembered how odd he had found it that Albert’s dream of the future didn’t include a special someone to share his home with. As far as he knew everyone longed to spend their lives with their soulmate. He hadn’t asked, though, a little afraid there was a sad story behind Albert’s lonesome dream and not wanting to drag up bad memories, not when Albert was smiling at him like that.

Never in his wildest dreams would Race have thought that _he_ was the sad story he’d been trying to avoid that day.

He looked up at the houses to their left and right and a pang of regret tightened in his chest. Even years ago Albert had resigned himself so resolutely to the fact that he wouldn’t get to spend the rest of his life with Race that he banished him even from his dreams just so it wouldn’t hurt so much when reality finally, inevitably, caught up with him. Race could only imagine how much that must have cost him, how painful it had to be not even allowing himself to dream.

Race was pulled out of his thoughts when Albert stumbled. He tightened his grip on Albert’s waist to keep him from falling, and when Albert shot him a grateful look despite all the things Race had unknowingly done to him over the years Race swore quietly to himself that he would never let Albert walk out of his life again, no matter who came along in the future. He might never be able to give Albert the life he deserved but he would do his best to make sure they’d never be separated in the future. He never wanted to cause Albert pain again.

Albert missed another step and this time Race was barely fast enough to keep him upright. “You all right?” he asked, stopping for a moment to readjust his grip on Albert, mindful of his ribs.

“Just tired,” Albert said, panting for breath. “And a little dizzy, to be honest.”

“You guys need some help?”

Surprised, Race turned to Spot. He exchanged a quick glance with Albert before he nodded. “Yeah, actually. That would be great.”

Spot stepped closer but there was a hint of hesitation in his movements. “Are you okay with this?” he asked Albert before he touched him and Race felt his heart warm with affection. This was the Spot he’d fallen in love with – the one who was considerate and cared about other people, not the one who was blinded by jealousy and possessiveness all the time.

Albert stared at Spot for a moment, an indecipherable look on his face. “Are you?” he asked finally.

Spot’s lips pulled up in a smirk. “You’re not so bad, you know?” he replied and slung Albert’s arm over his shoulder. “Personal crutch at your service.”

Albert snorted weakly and Race let out a laugh. “I bet Crutchie’s real jealous of you right now, Al.”

He threw a look over his shoulder to where Jack and Crutchie had stopped behind them, expecting them to grin and roll their eyes at him. What he saw instead made him frown. Jack and Crutchie were standing several feet apart as if there were a great chasm between them, holding themselves stiffly and staring into opposite directions. They both seemed lost in thoughts, and not the good kind of thoughts judging from their expressions. Jack looked highly uncomfortable and didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. And Crutchie … Crutchie looked like his world had just ended.

 _Oh no_ , Race thought, tearing his gaze away from them when Albert and Spot started walking again. He knew that look in Crutchie’s eyes. He had seen it in Albert’s more than once over the last few months. Heartbreak like only someone with a heartmark could feel. He knew with sudden certainty that Jack somehow must have found out about Crutchie’s heartmark while Race had been with Albert, and if the fact that Jack couldn’t even meet Crutchie’s eyes now was anything to go by he hadn’t taken it well. Race felt deeply sorry for Crutchie, and for Jack to an extent. He knew how overwhelming it could be to find out your best friend loved you – and would love only you for the rest of his life. But where Race’s first instinct had been to make sure Albert was all right, to reassure him that they were okay and would always be best friends no matter what, Jack couldn’t seem to get as far away from Crutchie as possible.

It was most evident when they finally reached the Lodging House. Jack only stayed long enough to make sure they all got safely up the stairs to the bunkroom before he excused himself under the pretense of going to the nuns to see if they had some leftover soup since none of them had had any breakfast. He turned around on his heels and hurried out of the room before any of them had a chance to say anything. Crutchie helplessly watched him go before he eased himself down on one of the bunks, brought his legs up to his chest with a wince of pain and buried his head in his knees in quiet despair.

It broke Race’s heart to see him like this and he wished there was something he could do to ease Crutchie’s pain. Spot seemed to feel the same because Race caught him muttering under his breath, “Kelly’s such an idiot.”

Race gave him a heartfelt nod before he focused his attention on Albert. Wordlessly he helped him out of his wet clothes – mindful of the bruises. When he began to tug at the bloodstained undershirt Albert’s cold fingers on his wrist stopped him. Race sighed. “Albert,” he began but the shame heating up Albert’s face made him stop.

“Please don’t.”

Reluctantly, Race relented. He stopped pulling at Albert’s undershirt and instead reached up to the top bunk and grabbed the warmest long-sleeved shirt he owned and helped Albert into it. Spot raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t say anything. He simply took Albert’s old clothes when Race handed them to him and went downstairs to lay them out to dry in front of the oven in the common room.

“How do you feel?” Race asked once Albert was finally dressed again and cocooned under a pile of blankets. He gently brushed some hair away from his forehead, careful not to touch the bruise that darkened Albert’s left eye, and was relieved to find Albert’s skin cool to the touch. The last thing Albert needed out of this day was a fever, or worse.

“Like I could sleep for a week,” Albert mumbled, relaxing under Race’s touch.

Race smiled. “I would let you.”

Albert frowned, looking a little more alert than before. “No. We’ve got to be at the circulation gate in time for the evening papes. How late is it?”

“Oh no,” Race said, stopping his gentle ministrations. “No selling for you or Crutchie today – not with that sprained ankle of yours and that bad leg of his.” He looked over his shoulder at Crutchie who still hid his face from the world. “Lord knows running through half of New York can’t have done it any good. I’m sorry for that, Crutchie.”

A flash of guilt crossed Albert’s face and he turned his head towards Crutchie as well. “I’m sorry, too. Didn’t mean to make such a fuss.”

Crutchie shrugged. “I’m just glad you’re all right,” he whispered, glimpsing briefly at them. His voice broke on the last word and Race shared a look with Albert.

“I think Jack knows about his heartmark,” he mouthed so Crutchie wouldn’t hear. Albert’s eyes widened and his head swiveled back to Crutchie in alarm. A little louder, Race said, “Anything I can get you, Crutchie? Maybe a glass of water?”

“No, thank you,” Crutchie choked out, curling even further into himself. “I’m fine.”

He was definitively not fine, but Race knew that nothing he could say or do would help. Crutchie himself had told him that when he found out about Albert’s heartmark all those months ago. Jack was the only one who could fix this – Jack who had the tendency to run away from his problems instead of confronting them head on. It really made Race mad sometimes, because it didn’t solve anything and almost always made things worse. Crutchie deserved more than being left behind like this and Race couldn’t wait for Jack to come back to give him a piece of his mind.

With a sigh, he turned back to Albert. “What about you? You must be thirsty.”

Albert nodded but his eyes never left Crutchie’s trembling form. “Some water would be great.”

Race gave him a smile and gently patted his shoulder before he headed downstairs to the kitchen area. Spot was there, pouring himself a glass of water. When he noticed Race he said, “Hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” Race said. He stood next to him, reaching for two glasses at first before he changed his mind and grabbed a third. Crutchie might not want anything to drink now but he would sooner or later. Better be prepared.

Spot watched him quietly as he filled the glasses, every now and then taking a sip from his own. When Race was done he cleared his throat. “I think I’ll be going now. It’s a long walk back to Brooklyn and I don’t want to miss the evening pape.”

Race looked down at his feet and nodded. “You sure you don’t want to eat with us? Jack should be back any minute now.”

“Nah, it’s all right,” Spot said. “I’ll be fine.”

They were the same words Crutchie had said but this time Race believed them. There was something he had to tell Spot before he left, however, something that shouldn’t be left unsaid. “Before you go,” he began, “I want to thank you for all you did today. For being so understanding, for getting Albert back home. All of it. It … it really means a lot to me and I know it can’t have been easy for you.”

Spot acknowledged his words with a nod but his expression was closed off. “Can I ask you one thing?”

Race nodded. “Of course.”

“Do you love Albert?”

Race swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. “Depends on what you mean. I’ve loved him since I met him but … not in the way I loved you,” he said honestly. “I’m not in love with him.”

“Do you wish you were?” Spot asked and his voice was uncharacteristically quiet, barely above a whisper.

“Yes, sometimes,” Race admitted. A pained look crossed Spot’s face and Race hated himself for causing it. “I hate seeing him in pain, Spot. You saw to what lengths he was willing to go to, just to make me happy. I … I wish I could give him back a little in return. That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

Spot sighed. “You can’t force yourself to be what he wants. You do realize that, right? Don’t talk yourself into loving him just because you feel you owe him.”

“That’s not it,” Race began but before he could say more Spot interrupted him.

“Isn’t it?” he challenged. “Albert was so fixated on your happiness that he became blind to everything else, including his own well-being.” Spot’s eyes softened and he took a step closer, gently putting a hand on Race’s shoulder. ”I don’t want the same thing to happen to you, Race. I don’t want you to do something you don’t really want just because you think it’ll make him happy.”

Spot had a point, Race had to admit. He had to be careful not to fall into the same trap Albert had. It would do neither of them any good if Race pretended to be someone he was not.

But the thing was, Race could see himself loving Albert, falling for him. Not now, not tomorrow, but some day, perhaps, when looking at Spot wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.

He’d never considered it before, loving Albert. Albert was his best friend and anything more than that had always seemed ridiculous. That had all changed when he found out about the heartmark. Suddenly Albert was _more_ , or at least he had the potential to be. It was as if a veil had been lifted from Race’s eyes and he could finally see what had been in front of him all this time. He couldn’t help but wonder if the reason his soulmark had never spelled Albert’s name was because he hadn’t allowed that to happen.

In the end it hadn’t mattered because his feelings for Spot were still there, just as strong as they had been before. Albert’s revelation hadn’t changed that. Race loved Spot and he had been happy with him. Spot had been his everything. The very thought of being with someone else, of being with Albert, was nothing more than that: a stray thought, an idea, a series of what-ifs and regrets. Wishful thinking. Race had never considered it seriously. He was many things but he wasn’t unfaithful.

Now, however, everything was different. Things had changed, the circumstances weren’t the same as before because Race was no longer with Spot. He could allow his mind to drift further, beyond the ideas and wishful thinking straight to all the possibilities the future offered. Race knew it would take time until he stopped missing Spot, until his heart no longer ached and yearned for him, and he knew he wouldn’t be a good soulmate or heartmate for anyone until that happened, least of all Albert. But there would come a time when his relationship with Spot would be a fond memory rather than a painful reminder of what he’d lost, and Race would be able to embrace whatever the future held for him with open arms.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t at least want to give Albert the chance he should have given him from the start and see where that road led them.

Race smiled at Spot. “I don’t want any those things, either,” he said softly and placed his hand over Spot’s where it still rested on his shoulder. “If I fall in love with someone again I want it to be because it makes me happy. Because _he_ makes me happy – not because I think I make him happy. Does that make sense?”

Spot nodded. “Were you happy? With me, I mean?”

Race’s eyes softened. “Of course I was, Spot. It wouldn’t hurt so much to let you go if I wasn’t.” He paused, giving Spot’s hand a brief squeeze. “Even if I wanted to I don’t think I could fall in love with someone else right now. Just because we broke up doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore. Because I do, Spot. I still do,” he admitted in a whisper.

He watched as Spot swallowed hard. “Can I kiss you one last time?” he asked, sounding vulnerable in a way he rarely did. “I know it’s probably not a good idea but–“

Without thinking Race moved forward and they came together in a kiss that tasted of loss and sorrow. It was a goodbye that didn’t need any words, a farewell that went unspoken, and when Race pulled back his eyes burned with unshed tears. “I don’t regret us,” he told Spot. “I never will, no matter what happens next.”

“Me neither,” Spot admitted in a choked voice. He took a step back and his hand fell from Race’s shoulder, separating them not only in this moment but forever. “I’ll see you at the Races on Sunday?”

Race smiled through his tears. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He led Spot downstairs but before he could open the front door Spot turned around. “You know, Albert was right about one thing,” he said. “You deserve all the happiness in the world, Race. And if it turns out Albert is the one who can give you that – well, then I’ll be happy for the both of you when the time comes.”

“Thank you,” Race said, fighting against his emotions. He knew he didn’t really need Spot’s blessing and probably didn’t deserve it but to know he had it made it all a little easier “I really hope you’ll find someone who makes you truly happy, too, Spot. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person.”

Spot nodded. “Me, too, Race.”

With one last smile that was full of regret Spot turned around and opened the door. He almost walked right into Jack and Sister Bernadette, each of them carrying a steaming container of soup.

“Careful, young man,” Sister Bernadette admonished.

“Sorry, Sister,” Spot muttered, squeezing past her. Race bit his lip to keep from smiling despite it all. Spot was rarely awkward but he’d once confessed to him that he was scared of nuns. Watching him go, Race wondered if he’d ever find out the reason for that fear. _Probably not_ , he thought a little wistfully. There were a lot of things he would never learn about Spot now.

“He could have had some soup, too,” Sister Bernadette said with a little frown as her gaze followed Spot down the street. “We brought enough, I think.”

Race smiled at her. “He’s got to get back to Brooklyn, Sister. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.” He stepped forward. “Can I take this off your hands?”

To his surprise, Jack intercepted him and pushed his own container into Race’s waiting hands. “You can take mine,” he said. “Gotta get back to the fellas, tell them we’ve found Albert.”

Race’s face darkened. “We’ve still got an hour until the evening pape is out,” he pointed out.

“Don’t wanna miss them when they get to the gate!” was all Jack said with a cheeky grin that looked wrong before he turned around and jogged down the street and out of sight. For a moment all Race could do was stare after him in utter bewilderment. So much for talking to Jack about Crutchie when he got back. Sudden anger filled him, hot and furious. He couldn’t believe Jack was running away a second time today, leaving Crutchie to deal with this mess alone. No doubt Crutchie was blaming himself right now for destroying their friendship even though he’d done nothing wrong. He’d just finally been honest with Jack and Jack had no right to punish him for that.

Race took a deep breath and bit down on his anger. He got that Jack was probably freaking out because his whole world had turned upside down. He’d been there. He knew how that felt. But he also knew how much it had hurt to see how messed-up Albert had been that day. He’d seen the tears and heard the sobs and he’d tried everything to make them stop. Not even once had Race thought of running away. So why did Jack? He’d known Crutchie even longer than Race had known Albert. They’d been best friends since Race met them. He just couldn’t understand how Jack could do that to Crutchie of all people. Not for the first time he thought sullenly, ‘ _Coward_.’

“Is everything all right?” Sister Bernadette asked, startling Race out of his dark thoughts. “Young Mr. Kelly seems … distraught,” she said carefully.

“We’ve had a rough day,” Race said. He led her up the stairs and into the kitchen. While they poured the soup into bowls Race quickly told her about Albert’s disappearance this morning and their search for him, careful not to mention anything about heartmarks.

“Oh dear,” Sister Bernadette said. “No wonder your friends made such long faces earlier today. They were very worried.”

Race gave her a smile. “They’re good boys.”

She nodded. “Yes, they are.”

Race liked Sister Bernadette. At first glance she seemed strict and fierce but out of all the nuns she was the only one who never urged them to come to church or blamed them when they didn’t. She never looked down on them and instead tried her best to help them whenever she could. As a trained nurse she was the one who treated most of their injuries and illnesses when they couldn’t afford a doctor, never asking for anything in return. She was kind and had a good heart, one of the few adults in their lives who seemed to genuinely care about them. Race was glad she’d been the one who answered Jack’s call.

Together, they carried the bowls of soup and glasses of water up the stairs. Albert turned his head towards them when they entered the bunkroom but Crutchie didn’t move an inch. Race didn’t let that deter him. “The good Sister here has brought us some soup which will warm you guys right up,” he said brightly.

“Hello, Sister Bernadette,” Albert said, giving her a weak smile.

She placed down her tray on one of the beds before she sat down next to him. One of her slender hands came to rest on Albert’s forehead and he closed his eyes. “I’ve heard you’ve had quite an adventure this morning, Albert,” she said quietly.

“That’s one way of putting it,” Albert muttered. “Ow!” he exclaimed when her cold fingers began to probe the bruise around his eye.

“Shush,” she told him gently. “I just want to make sure nothing’s broken. Now let me see your ankle.”

Race watched her work. Her touch was more gentle and considerate than any doctor’s Race had ever witnessed. She was careful not to cause unnecessary pain and made sure the sock was comfortably back in place when she was done. “You were right,” she said, turning around to look at Race. “It’s just a sprain.” She looked back down at Albert. “You’d do well to keep your weight off of it for a while, though. I’ll see what I can do about getting you a crutch so you can go back to work tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Sister,” Albert whispered.

Sister Bernadette smiled at him. “You are very much welcome. Now, your friend here can give you some soup while I see to Crutchie.”

Race took her place at Albert’s side. He helped him sit up and handed him one of the bowls. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Sister Bernadette sit down next to Crutchie before she gently placed her hand on his shoulder. “Crutchie? It’s me, Sister Bernadette. Do you mind if I take a look at your leg?”

Mutely, Crutchie shook his head. He didn’t say anything when Sister Bernadette carefully stretched out his leg, nor when she rolled up his trousers and began to touch painful nerve endings to apply the right amount of pressure to stop the muscles from cramping. It was only when she was done and offered him some soup that he said in a wretched voice, “Jack knows.”

Two simple words yet both Race’s and Albert’s heads swiveled around in shock.

“I thought it had something to do with that,” Sister Bernadette sighed, but not unkindly. “I’m sorry, Crutchie.”

 _Sister Bernadette knows_ , Race thought, feeling dazed. Of course she would know. She’d been treating Crutchie for years now. She was the only one Crutchie allowed to help him when he was sick and this was why.

Race remembered that one awful winter when Crutchie had caught pneumonia. Sister Bernadette had sent all of them out of the room before she treated him, even Jack. At the time it had surprised Race. Now it all made sense. She knew about Crutchie’s heartmark and she’d kept his secret for years.

“Do they know?” Sister Bernadette asked, nodding her head towards Race and Albert.

Before Crutchie could answer Albert said, “We do. I’m like him.”

Sister Bernadette’s eyes widened a fraction in surprise. She glanced briefly at Race, scrutinizing him in a manner of seconds in a way that made Race want to squirm, before she turned her attention back to Crutchie. With careful but sure movements she pulled Crutchie’s shirts open to reveal the heartmark on his chest. Race saw a flash of blood on pale skin and a hint of dark black letters. He looked away. That wasn’t something for him to see.

“We really should have cleaned yours, too, Al,” he murmured, thinking back to Albert’s bloodstained undershirt.

“It’s fine now,” Albert insisted, but Sister Bernadette looked at him over her shoulder.

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?” she said in a voice that broke no argument.

Race smiled faintly and gave Albert’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I promise I won’t look if you don’t want me to.”

Albert closed his eyes in relief. “It’s not that I don’t want you to. Just … not like this. It’s not pretty,” he added with a hint of shame in his voice.

“Doesn’t matter to me as long as you’re all right,” Race reassured him. He had a feeling Albert needed to hear that.

After Sister Bernadette was done with bandaging Crutchie’s chest, she handed him a bowl of soup with the strict order, “Eat. I won’t leave before that bowl is empty.” She went back over to Albert. Just like he’d promised, Race turned around and didn’t watch as she checked Albert’s heartmark. He quietly ate his own bowl of soup, ears pricked for any sounds of discomfort Albert might make.

It was Sister Bernadette who finally broke the silence. “That’s some scarring you’ve got there,” she murmured, sounding sad. “You need to take better care of yourself, Albert. Just like any wound wounds of the heart need to be cleaned so they can heal properly.”

“There didn’t seem much point,” Albert whispered and Race closed his eyes in regret. “I’m sorry.”

Sister Bernadette let out a sigh. “It’s not me you need to apologize to,” she said softly. “This is your body, your life. You don’t owe anyone an apology but yourself.”

“Doesn’t always feel like that,” Albert muttered.

“I know,” Sister Bernadette said, her voice warm and soft. “We care about those around us and we want to make them happy. It’s easy to forget that our own happiness and well-being matter, too.” She paused and the rustling noises of bandages and clothes filled the room. “There, all done.”

Risking a glance over his shoulder, Race saw her helping Albert back into his shirt. He stood up and made himself busy by collecting their empty bowls. Crutchie tried to give him a smile when he handed his over but it fell flat. There was almost nothing left of the fiery spark Crutchie always had, especially when it came to people talking bad about him because of his leg. Race should know. He’d been on the receiving end of Crutchie’s indignation more than once because of his teasing. Now he barely recognized him.

He waited for Sister Bernadette to say her goodbyes before he walked her down the stairs.

“Keep the rest of the soup,” she said when Race placed down the bowls in the kitchen sink and reached for the container that was still full. “I’ll collect it later.”

“Thanks, Sister,” Race told her genuinely and handed her the other, empty one. “Do you want me to walk you home?”

Sister Bernadette shook her head. “I’m sure I’ll manage on my own,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “But thank you for your kind offer. There is something else you could do for me, though.”

“What is it?” Race asked. “I’ll do anything to repay you for your help.”

Sister Bernadette smiled at him. “Nothing like that, Race. It’s about Albert and Crutchie. I want you to keep an eye on them today, if possible. I know you’ve already missed half a day of selling but I don’t like the idea of them being alone after what happened, especially Crutchie. He’s in a pretty bad place right now as I think you know. I would do it myself but I’m afraid I’ve already lingered longer than I should have.”

Race knew Sister Bernadette had other duties besides caring for poor newsies. He hoped she wouldn’t get in trouble for helping them. “Don’t worry, Sister. I’ll keep an eye on them.”

“That’s a relief to hear,” Sister Bernadette said. “You’re a fine young man – and a good friend.”

“I try to be, at least,” Race told her honestly. “I’m afraid I don’t always succeed. You … you saw the proof of that with Albert’s mark.”

Sister Bernadette put a hand on his shoulder. “Trying is all we can do, Antonio. Sometimes it’s enough, sometimes it isn’t. It’s not always in our hands. Whatever you might think Albert is very lucky to have you.” She smiled and pulled her cloak tighter around her thin frame. “I’ll be back this evening to check on them. I’ll see what I can do about a crutch.”

“Thank you,” Race said softly. “You’re an angel.”

Sister Bernadette let out a laugh. It reminded Race of the sound of bells, high and clear. “Oh, I don’t know about that. Maybe one day,” she winked.

Race chuckled and closed the door behind her before he hurried back up the stairs to Albert and Crutchie. Albert’s tired eyes met his when he walked in but Crutchie had his back turned to them, facing the wall and clutching a blanket in a desperate grip. The message was clear: _don’t talk to me_.

 _At least he ate something and drank some water_ , Race thought as he made his way over to Albert. It wasn’t much but it was something, at least. He just wished he could do more to help. It hurt to see one of his closest friends suffer in silence like this.

With a sigh Race sat down on Albert’s bunk and began toeing off his shoes.

“What are you doing?” Albert asked, looking confused. “It’s almost time for the evening pape. You’ll be late.”

Race shook his head. “I’m not going, Al,” he said, pulling off first one shoe than the other.

Albert looked down at his hands. “Because of me?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Because,” Race began, placing one of his hands above Albert’s, “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave you.” He paused to give Albert a wry smile. “I don’t think I could after today, even if I wanted to.”

“I’m sorry,” Albert whispered.

Race gave his hand a squeeze. “You need to stop saying that, Al. No more apologies, okay? I’m fine, you’re fine – the rest is in the past.”

“It doesn’t always stay there, though,” Albert murmured. One of his hands unconsciously moved towards the bruise around his eye. Race reached out to stop it.

“Not the first time we’ve faced nightmares together,” he said, remembering countless sleepless nights filled with the horrors of their pasts. “I’ll be with you every step of the way,” he promised and, taking a deep breath, he met Albert’s eyes. “I just … I need to know you’re with me, too, Al. I need to know you won’t run away again. Please.”

Albert’s eyes widened and in a motion of braveness he reached out and gave Race’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m done with running, Tonio,” he whispered and the weight of the world was lifted from Race’s chest. “I won’t leave again. I promise.”

Race smiled at him. “Looks like we’re stuck with each other, eh?”

“Looks like it,” Albert casually agreed but his eyes lit up with so much happiness they rivaled the brightness of a thousand suns. Race wished he could preserve that look for all eternity.

“Scoot over,” he murmured instead. Albert’s eyes widened, doubtful and uncertain, but when Race nodded he made room for him on the narrow bunk.

Without hesitation Race lay down next to him, pulled the blankets over them both and put his arm around Albert. “Is this okay?” he whispered into Albert’s ear.

Albert shuddered and let out a soft laugh. “This is a lot more than okay.”

“Good,” Race smiled. “Now relax and get some rest.”

“What about Crutchie?” Albert asked in a low voice so he wouldn’t be overheard.

Beneath the blankets, Race searched for Albert’s hand again. “Nothing we can do until Jack gets back,” he mumbled. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him.”

It seemed enough to put Albert’s tired mind to rest. He shuffled closer, mindful of his sprained ankle, until his head was pillowed on Race’s shoulder and their joined hands lay right over Race’s heart. Letting out a happy sigh, Albert let his eyes fall close and he drifted off to sleep. Without thinking about it Race raised his other hand and began to gently card his fingers through the messy curls above Albert’s neck. The motion and the way Albert’s hair felt between his fingers was so soothing he felt the tension drain out of his body.

For the first time since he found the letter this morning Race felt like he could breathe again. Albert was safe – a little bruised and weary, perhaps, but ultimately safe. He was home. Looking at him now, fast asleep against his chest without a line of worry on his face, peaceful in a way he hadn’t in a long time, Race couldn’t help but smile. He was so lucky to have Albert in his life. Today had really driven that fact home.

Crutchie’s stifled sobs, quiet as they were, were the only thing dampening the moment. Race tightened his arms around Albert and looked over to the other bed. He could only hope that Jack would come to his senses and realize what he was doing, what he was _risking_ by running away this time – and what the consequences of his actions could be if he didn’t come back soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it took this long to upload the next installment of this series. I've started a new job in the middle of March which keeps me busy during the week but makes me really happy and between working on other stories and having something of a social life I didn't have much time to continue the Hearts and Souls verse until now. The good news is: the second chapter is already done and just has to be edited. The bad news is: I haven't started work on the third chapter yet. So it might take a while to complete this story but I'm on it, don't worry. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always I want to thank you guys for your support of this verse! It always makes me incredibly happy to see your comments and kudos and I want you to know that I really appreciate them!
> 
> In the next chapter we'll finally get to see things from Jack's perspective (oh boy) and Katherine makes an appearance to talk some sense into him.


	2. Jack

**Chapter 2: Jack**

“Yeah, Jack. I got one, too.”

The words kept ringing in Jack’s head, repeating themselves again and again in a torturous loop. No matter what he tried they wouldn’t stop – not when he went to the nuns for food and medical help; not when he made his way to the circulation gate and waited for the others to come back from selling the morning paper; not even when he got his batch of the evening edition and went out into the streets to sell it.

“I got one, too,” Crutchie had said as if he’d just signed his own death sentence. He didn’t have to say anything else in that moment. The look on his face told Jack exactly whose name was written over his heart. How could he have been so blind? How could he not have noticed that not only one but two of his friends, his _brothers_ , had heartmarks? What else hadn’t he seen over the years? How many other secrets didn’t he know about? How much was going on behind his back he would never find out?

There was one question, however, that haunted him more than anything else: How could Crutchie lie to him about his mark?

There had been more than one occasion when Crutchie could have confided in him. Soulmarks were a popular topic among the newsies and with one as ever-changing as Jack’s (until Katherine came along, that is) there had been plenty opportunities for Crutchie to bring up the matter of his heartmark during one of their talks. But Crutchie hadn’t said a word. He’d kept quiet and let Jack assume his soulmark hadn’t manifested yet. It made sense, given the circumstances. Jack knew better than anyone else that Crutchie didn’t trust easily. He wasn’t the kind of person that exchanged a few words with a stranger on the street and ended up with deeper feelings.

At least that’s what Jack had always believed. But then again, he’d also thought the sadness he saw in Crutchie’s eyes whenever they talked about soulmates was because he longed to finally meet someone, too. Never in his life would Jack have imagined that Crutchie already had, and that it was _him_. He hadn’t even known until this morning if Crutchie liked boys or girls since he always shied away from the topic whenever it came up.

So many things made sense now, as if a missing puzzle piece had finally found its place and revealed the bigger picture, but at the same time Jack felt like his whole life had just been turned upside down. He didn’t know what to do with the information now that he had it. What did Crutchie expect from him now? That things remained the same? That nothing would change? Impossible. There was no way Jack could go back to how things were before now that he knew that Crutchie … that Crutchie was in love with him. He even had a hard time just thinking about it.

How was he supposed to look Crutchie in the eye and not overanalyze everything he did, all the things Crutchie said and all the things he kept quiet about? Jack wasn’t Race. He couldn’t just … overlook Crutchie’s feelings and hold him close as if nothing had happened. He couldn’t even meet Crutchie’s eyes after his confession, feeling things already changing between them. The thought of being alone in a room with him, of sitting in awkward silence or even worse, Crutchie looking at him with those big trustful eyes of his and hoping for a happy ending, made his skin crawl.

So Jack did what he always did in situations that slipped out of his control: he ran. The first place he ran to was the circulation gate, but the questions of his brothers ( _How’s Albert? Did you find him? Where’s Crutchie? Are they all right? What happened?_ ) had him stuttering out half-truths in a desperate attempt to steer the conversation away from the true reason Albert went missing that morning. So next Jack fled to the streets, trying to shut off his mind by yelling headline after headline to the crowds. But even here he couldn’t escape. Everywhere he looked happy couples seemed to enjoy the windy autumn afternoon and on the other end of the square were a pair of girls – one a factory worker with dark hair and the other a newsie from the Bronx Jack knew from the strike who wore her hat like Crutchie and Albert did – and they were holding hands and looking at each other in a way that made Jack uncomfortable.

Not because they were both girls, but because the newsie’s smile was just as crooked and brilliant as Crutchie’s and it made Jack wonder if Crutchie had ever smiled at him like that, or if he had wanted to but held himself back out of fear.

With a shake of his head, Jack turned the other way and held one of his last papers high into the air. It didn’t take long until his bag was empty and he sold his last paper to a nice elderly lady who gave him a kind smile and twice as many coins than she needed to. Jack thanked her with a little bow and with his pockets full of money he left the square. Briefly, he thought about going home but he didn’t feel ready to face Crutchie and their new status quo yet so he turned in the opposite direction and headed to Katherine’s.

She looked surprised when she opened the door but a moment later a smile lit up her face that eased Jack’s jittery nerves a little and she ushered him inside. “Did I forget a date?”

Jack huffed out a nervous laugh. “I don’t think so.”

“Then what brings you here?” Katherine asked, leading him down a hall and into a sitting room. He sat down on one of the two couches, facing her. “Not that I’m not happy to see you but this,” she vaguely waved her hand in his direction, “is a bit unusual. Is everything all right? You look a little pale.”

Jack let her voice wash over him and relished in the feeling of safety and comfort it brought him. With Katherine, everything made sense. She always found the right words to say to put his mind at ease, be it when he was worried about his brothers or nervous about working for her father. Jack had no doubt she would know what to do about Crutchie as well, so he took a deep breath and began to explain what had happened today, starting with Albert’s disappearance and their frantic search for him through half of New York.

“Is he all right?” Katherine asked once Jack got to the point where they found him.

Jack nodded. “A little banged up but he’ll be fine.”

“That’s good,” Katherine said, visibly relaxing. “I take it he’s safely back home at the Lodging House now?”

“With Race and Crutchie, yeah,” Jack confirmed, unable to stop himself from grimacing when he said his best friend’s name.

Katherine picked up on it, of course. There was nothing Jack could hide from her for long. “There’s something else you’re not telling me, is there? You wouldn’t be this upset if this was just about Albert. Did something happen to Crutchie today?”

The worry in her voice filled Jack with guilt. He should be the one worrying about Crutchie. It had been his job for years now to keep an eye on him and be by his side when things got rough, and he’d always done it gladly. So why couldn’t he now? Why did he feel only panic when he thought about Crutchie curling in on himself like he always did when he was upset? Why did everything have to be so different now?

He was brought out of his thoughts by the touch of gentle fingers on his arm. “Jack?” Katherine asked. She hesitated. “Did … did something happen between you and Crutchie?”

“Crutchie got a heartmark like Albert,” Jack blurted out before he could stop itself. His eyes met Katherine’s. “He’s got a heartmark that spells my name, Kath.”

Katherine blinked once, twice, and then her eyes softened and she smiled. She placed her hand against his cheek and Jack leaned into her touch. “And you got scared and ran away.”

Jack shook his head even though he knew she was right and that’s exactly what he did. “I didn’t run away,” he murmured. “I came here.”

“Same thing,” Katherine said. She pressed their foreheads together. “You need to stop doing that, Jack. We’ve talked about this. It only makes things worse.”

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Jack admitted.

Katherine pulled back and the look in her eyes was fond but sad. “You could have talked to him,” she suggested softly and Jack looked away in shame. She was right, as always, and Jack wished it were as simple as she made it sound. “You could have asked him what that meant for you two. You could have asked him what he wanted.”

“What about what I want?” Jack asked. “What about you?”

“Me?” Katherine let out a small chuckle. “This is not about me, Jack.”

“Of course it is,” Jack argued. “You’re my soulmate. I love you. This affects you as much as it affects me. I don’t want what happened to Race and Spot to happen to us.”

Katherine frowned. “What happened to Race and Spot?”

“They broke up.”

Jack told her about how Albert’s feelings apparently had been driving a wedge between Race and Spot for months now and resulted in the fight yesterday, Albert’s disappearance earlier this morning and the subsequent break-up.

Katherine listened attentively and when Jack was finished she was quiet for a while. “You didn’t know about any of this until today?”

Jack shook his head. “No, but Race has known for months. Spot as well.”

“And now you’re afraid you’re going to choose Crutchie over me, just like Race has chosen Albert?” Katherine asked with a peculiar expression on her face Jack didn’t quite know how to interpret. 

“No!” he said at once. “I don’t– I’m not … I never thought about Crutchie like that.”

Katherine gave him a knowing look Jack didn’t like. “But now you do, don’t you? You can’t stop thinking about _what if_.”

“I’m not like that, Kath,” Jack said and even to his own ears he sounded like he was pleading. “I’ve always liked girls. My soulmark has never spelled a boy’s name.”

His gaze fell to Katherine’s name on the inside of his wrist. Her eyes followed his and a moment later she lifted his hand to press a kiss to the letters. It made Jack feel warm all over. “Our soulmarks only say what we allow them to say,” she murmured against his skin. “We both know you and Crutchie are good for each other. Your friendship has always been special.” She looked up at him and gave him a wry smile. “You were willing to give up the strike for him,” she reminded him.

“Not one of my proudest moments,” Jack confessed.

“I know,” Katherine reassured him. “The point is Crutchie could very well be your soulmate if you let him. You’ve already been his this whole time.”

Jack shook his head in confusion. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Do you want me to break up with you? Because from where I’m sitting here this looks a lot like you’re trying to set me up with him.”

With a laugh Katherine leaned in for a kiss that left Jack breathless. “Of course not, silly. I’m just saying this doesn’t have to be a choice between Crutchie and me. Ever heard of secondary soulmarks?”

“Secondary what now?” Jack asked, completely taken aback. This whole talk with Katherine was going a lot differently than he had expected when he came here.

“Secondary soulmarks,” Katherine repeated patiently. “Soulmarks are not limited to just one per person, you know? Heartmarks are, of course, but soulmarks? You could have a dozen names on your body if you were open to the idea.”

Jack swallowed hard. “A dozen?” he asked faintly.

Katherine nodded. “That’s the largest number I could find when Darcy and I looked up information on this for an article last month.”

A dozen soulmarks on your body. Jack had a hard time believing that. He’d never known anyone with more than one soulmark – but then again, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Katherine’s pointed out helpfully in his mind, neither had he known anyone with a heartmark until this morning. And now he knew two people. Still, a dozen soulmarks seemed a little exaggerated and he told Katherine as much.

“A dozen is pretty unusual, I give you that,” she agreed, “but people with two or three soulmarks are more common than you think. Take Darcy, for example.”

Jack almost choked on his own spit. “Darcy? Really?”

“Really,” Katherine said. “Remember when I told you he bore my name?”

Jack nodded. That was one awkward conversation he could have done without when Katherine told him without a care in the world that she had been Darcy’s soulmate since they met when they were ten. He still wondered how they managed to stay such good friends after Katherine made it very clear to him that she was not interested. “He’s too proper,” she had told Jack at the time, adding with a mischievous grin, “Not enough cowboy in him.”

“Well,” Katherine went on now, bearing a similar smirk as she had all those months ago, “when Darcy met Bill during the printing of the Newsie Banner he was completely enamored. Couldn’t stop talking about him for days. Drove me nuts. He’s had Bill’s name on his other shoulder ever since.”

_Darcy and Bill. Who’d have thought?_ Jack mused. _But then again_ , he thought, _there had been some_ _flirtatious looks Darcy had sent Romeo’s way when they all first met._ There was something else nagging at Jack, though. 

“Why didn’t your name just turn into Bill’s?” he asked. “I mean, he must have realized by now that you won’t return his feelings.”

Katherine let out a long-suffering sigh. “Soulmarks aren’t about love, Jack. I thought you’d figured that out by now.” She huffed and shook her head. “You know, that’s exactly why we’re writing this article. There are so many misconceptions about this whole soulmate thing it would be quite ridiculous if it weren’t so sad. Look,” she said and met his eyes, “Darcy knows he doesn’t stand a chance with me. He knows that and he’s accepted it. But here’s the thing, Jack: it doesn’t change the fact that I’d be a good match for him even if he isn’t for me. He sees all that potential where I see none and so my name never disappeared. You could call it a platonic soulmark, if you like. That word sometimes pops up in the literature.” She reached for a glass of water and took a sip. “Darcy’s not in love with me but his believe in our connection is so strong that a secondary soulmark appeared when Bill came along instead of a name change. It’s quite flattering, to be honest.”

Jack scrunched up his nose. “Flattering’s not the word I would use,” he muttered.

Katherine gave him an unimpressed look. “Which is exactly why you’re here with me right now instead of talking to Crutchie like you should be.” Jack winced and she sighed, reaching for his hand. “I’m not trying to be mean here, Jack. I’m just trying to … broaden your horizons. I know you’re a romantic at heart, and I love that about you, but the truth is that there is no such thing as _one true love_ when it comes to soulmarks. They only tell us if a person would be good for us, if we’re compatible – and I think, if you’re being honest with yourself, you’d agree that Crutchie had always fit that bill. You just haven’t been … open to the idea until now.”

“But what would that change?” Jack asked, unable to wrap his head around the fact that his girlfriend seemed to want to set up him and Crutchie. “Let’s say I get a secondary soulmark with Crutchie’s name. How would that help? It would only give him false hope, Katherine. It would change everything!”

“It already has!” Katherine argued back. “Don’t you see it? You’re so wrapped up in your fear of change that you don’t realize it’s already happened! You don’t get to go back. All you get to decide now is how you want to move forward.”

She gave his hand an insistent squeeze as if she wanted to tell him something with it. Jack didn’t return the gesture. He knew he couldn’t go back. She was right about that. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to. “I wish he’d never told me,” he murmured.

With a huff, Katherine let go of his hand and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Crutchie probably wishes the same thing right now,” she told him, looking him dead in the eye. “Have you ever stopped to think about that? Heartmarks don’t just appear, Jack. He’s had to deal with this his whole life and at one point he realized he’d never have a chance with you and decided not to bother you with it. He did that _for_ you, Jack, knowing that his feelings would never go away. He put your happiness before his own.” She shook her head and Jack felt absolutely wretched when he saw her eyes dim with disappointment in him. “I can’t believe his sacrifice means so little to you, that you’d rather have never found out than have to deal with it.”

Jack felt like he had been slapped. He leaned back and his chest was heaving as if he’d just run through half of New York for a second time that day. Her words hit home, and he swallowed hard against the sudden lump in his throat. He’d never stopped to think about this whole situation from Crutchie’s point of view. All he could think about was his own panic, his fear of losing his best friend, his discomfort at the thought that Crutchie wanted more from him than he could give and expected Jack to return his feelings now that he knew about them. It hadn’t occurred to him that Crutchie might have similar fears. There had to be a reason why he hadn’t told Jack about his heartmark in all the years they’d known each other. He could have the day they met, two broken boys alone in the streets tired of being lost and on their own. He could have told him after Jack escaped Snyder’s clutches the first time. He could have told him in his letter from the Refuge when he’d thought he’d never see Jack again.

But Crutchie hadn’t. It was clear he would have taken this secret to the grave with him if Jack hadn’t figured it out on his own. Not out of cowardice – Crutchie was the bravest person Jack knew – but because he was so utterly certain nothing good would come from it. He had expected Jack to run, had known his feelings would be a burden, and instead of telling the truth he’d chosen to keep it a secret to protect both Jack and himself from the fallout.

Guilt pooled in his stomach and Jack stared down at his clenched hands. He’d done exactly what Crutchie must have feared all these years. He’d frozen up and then ran away. He could just imagine Crutchie telling himself back at the Lodging House that he’d made a mistake, that he’d screwed up, that it was his fault their year-long friendship would come to an abrupt end.

Unbidden, tears pooled in his eyes and he looked at Katherine. “I really am an idiot, aren’t I? I screwed up.”

She gave him a little helpless shrug. “It makes you endearing.” He wondered if Crutchie would agree with her. Right now? Probably not.

“It makes me insufferable,” he argued. His eyes met hers and a moment later they both chuckled.

“A little, yes,” Katherine admitted. “But it also makes you _you_. You process things differently and that’s … that’s okay. It just sucks that sometimes people get hurt because of that.”

_Understatement of the year_ , Jack thought. He took a deep breath. “Please tell me you know how I can fix this?”

“How about you start by realizing nothing’s broken?” Katherine suggested gently. “Crutchie’s the same person he was yesterday. You need to stop being scared that he will be different around you. He won’t. I mean, I don’t know him as well as you do but I don’t think he’s expecting anything from you now. If he did, he would have made his move years ago.” She gave him a soft smile. “You’re his best friend, Jack. It’s time you act the part and talk to him.”

“Just like that, huh?” Jack asked. He knew this was the only advice she could really give him but he wished she had an easier solution. “What if he does expect more, though?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Katherine gave him a look of fond exasperation. “He won’t press for more than you’re able to give. That’s how heartmarks work, Jack. It’s why Albert ran away today and it’s why Crutchie never said anything. Your well-being comes first, not his. That’s why heartmarks are both a blessing and a curse.” She leaned forward, her face serious. “Honestly? I’m pretty sure Crutchie will make this easy for you. The question is: will you do him the same favor?”

“I want to,” Jack assured her. “It’s just … it’s not fair, is it? I can’t give him what he wants.”

“You don’t even know what he wants, Jack,” Katherine pointed out. “You think you do but until you ask him you won’t know for sure.”

Jack sighed. He was fairly sure Crutchie wanted a relationship with him. How could he not? Having a heartmark meant you didn’t get second chances. There was one person and one person only in the whole world you fell in love with. But Jack didn’t love Crutchie like that and no secondary soulmark would change that, no matter what Katherine thought. Because Jack didn’t want that. He tried to imagine being with Crutchie the way he was with Katherine but it only made him grimace. Crutchie was his best friend and Jack needed him to be just that and nothing more, as selfish as it was. He didn’t look forward to spelling it out for Crutchie that they could try to remain friends but anything beyond that was out of the question. He didn’t want to break Crutchie’s heart any more than he already had but at the same time he knew that it needed to be done so that they could both move forward.

He made a decision.

“Will you come with me?” he asked Katherine. When she began to protest he hurried to add, “Please? I need your help to make Crutchie understand. I’m not good with words, you know that. And I meant it when I said you’re a part of this.”

Reluctantly, Katherine agreed. “Only if it’s all right with Crutchie,” she said.

“Of course,” Jack nodded. He stood up, brushed off of trousers and held his hand out to her. “Thank you.”

Together, they walked back to the Lodging House, Jack’s hand clutching Katherine’s tightly. The steps up the stairs to the bunk room with everyone’s eyes on them were the hardest he had ever taken.

He took a deep breath and knocked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for all your kudos and comments, and for being patient with me! This chapter didn't quite turn out the way I planned it but no matter how much I edited it I still wasn't quite satisfied with it. Don't know why. I hope you like it anyway. Things are a little confusing for Jack right now. Katherine isn't really pushing for a threesome here, by the way. She just wants Jack to open his eyes to what's right in front of him and broaden his horizons because soulmarks don't mean you're in love with someone - just that you're compatible. Only the idea of soulmates had been romanticized so much that people have kind of forgotten that. 
> 
> Anyway, next chapter will be from Crutchie's pov. It's probably going to take a few weeks, though. I haven't started on it yet and there are two other stories I'm working on right now. I'm also going on vacation in a bit, so time is an issue right at the moment.


End file.
